Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
