Already got asked if we're dating
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
