you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
