I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
