i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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