on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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