What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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