I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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