I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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