sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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