I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
