Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
