i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
