In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
