I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
