So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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