once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
