A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
