i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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