Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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