I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
