I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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