So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
