well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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