covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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