Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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