Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
