ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
