At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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