mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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