he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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