The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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