I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
