Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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