There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
