ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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