Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
