Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
