doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am one with the molecules
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need a beard to bite.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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