so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
