I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
