His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
