Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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