im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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