Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's like heaven, but drunker
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
