I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
