HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
