his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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