operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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