girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
be right there i have to get my cape
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
