At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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