That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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