There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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