I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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