We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
