i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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