My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
