Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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