where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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