Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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