I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
