My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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