I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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