We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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