goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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