If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
