I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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