im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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